


She Used To Love Me A Lot

by Mofluz



Category: A Song of Ice and Fire - George R. R. Martin, Game of Thrones (TV)
Genre: -Ish, 5+1 Things, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, But it's just a mouthful offscreen, Childhood Friends, Dancing Lessons, F/M, Friends to Lovers, Jon Snow is sad. Because that's how he rolls., Oh man and I thought tagging was easy, Philosophical search of Happiness, Underage Drinking, angsty, he's asking himself important questions, i guess?
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-07-18
Updated: 2016-01-17
Packaged: 2018-04-10 00:34:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,192
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4370342
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mofluz/pseuds/Mofluz
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"She used to love me with a love that wouldn't die,<br/>Looking at her now I can't believe she said goodbye,<br/>She used to love me a lot." </p><p>Or, 5 times Ygritte walked away from Jon and one time she didn't.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

"This dance is stupid!" she said, stopping in the middle of the song and stomping her foot. At eight, Ygritte was as willful as any emperor, and burned as bright as the sacred flames, with her lucky hair and the fire behind her eyes.  
Jon didn't actually know why she chose this course—he knew why he did: Sansa said that all ladies dream of the Prince that will dance them away (like in Sleeping Beauty, she'd said, but Jon didn't believe that was actually possible, because Aurora and Philip were dancing upwards on air), and therefore every gentleman should know how to dance properly. And he truly wanted to prove that he could be as gentlemanly as Robb—, but dancing just didn't seem much like Ygritte. Jon was used to seeing her scratched and bruised, with her hair in disarray, grinning practicing one sport or another.  
He was very glad she was there though, because he was pretty sure no one else would have wanted to be his partner, and he knew from experience he didn't like dancing alone.  
"We should still finish the song, Ygritte." Jon couldn't find it in him to disagree with her this time. She was right, salsa was a stupid dance, and he very much preferred waltz over it.  
"Okay, but only 'cause we got to do tango earlier!" Of all the dances, tango was definitely Ygritte's favourite (and the only one she bothered learning the choreography to).  
So they continued to dance the stupid dance to the silly beat, until the music stopped. Before Jon managed to do his customary bow, Ygritte spoke loud enough for the whole gym to hear:  
"Gods, it's finally over! Thought it'd never end! I'm off to archery now. You should come by too, Johnny! Oh, and I'm not coming back to this class, but I can't wait to dance with ya at parties!" Then she simply turned back on her heel and walked out of the room, and no body said anything.  
Jon tried, as much as his seven and a half years permitted him, to not look too dumbfounded.


	2. Chapter 2

"C'mon, Jon, don't be such a lame, lame llama-ass!"  
Jon groaned. "Ygritte, you know that's not a word!"  
"Course I know. Doesn't make you any less of one, though."  
Jon groaned again and let it drop. He knew too well there was no way he could outstubborn her, even if he was right.  
"But I am drunk, Ygritte, don't you see?"  
"Fifteen years on this stinking Earth and you still don't know a thing," she said, full of mocking and pity. "That mouthful of beer you took is only enough to get a crow drunk, and you're no crow, Jon Snow!" He knew this. Of course he did. And still, he felt the alcohol having its way inside his body and he looked at his body as if it wasn't himself, as if he were merely a spectator.  
"I just want this feeling to stop! Actually, I want all the feelings to go away! I don't want to be sad anymore!"  
"You're always sad because yer always brooding, that's why! Now c'mon, get up and at least lie down on the bench. Knowing you, you're likely to catch your death on that grass," she said and started actually raising him by force.  
"Don't, Ygritte, please. I don't wanna. If I stay here, maybe I'll disappear. Wouldn't that be nice? No more worries, no more feelings, no more anything. Just beautiful tranquillity." He allowed himself to be seated on the bench, though.  
"Jon Snow, you look at me and listen now. You're not drunk, you're just using it as an excuse to talk rubbish while brooding, which is worse than your usual brooding, and I didn't think that was possible." Ygritte paused and looked Jon dead in the eye to make sure he was still following. "I will gladly listen to any problem of yours, so long as you keep your wits about yourself, alright?"  
Jon seemed moved. "Thank you, Ygritte. I know you would. It's just that I feel so, so... small. Like nothing I do has worth, and I could be smashed at any moment, as if I am nothing. No-one..." Ygritte thought she saw a tear on Jon's cheek.  
"You are important, Jon, you listen to me. You have people who care for you, and you will go to tech school and invent something that will change the whole world. And if anyone doesn't believe it, just wait till you show'em."  
"I don't want the world to love me for some invention, Ygritte. I just want to be noticed. For who I am." Tears were clearly coming down now. This had been bothering him more than he let on.  
"True enough that. But you can't just wait on your ass to be noticed, can ya? Go ahead, do something great, something noticeable!"  
Jon knew that already, he'd told it to himself countless times. But no matter what he did, it was not enough to make him feel satisfied. Maybe he just was an attention whore. Perhaps he just wanted to be as loved as Robb, but that was a shameful thought, he was loved, by Father and Arya and Ygritte...  
Why wasn't anything ever enough for him?  
"Something great... But how great is great enough? And after I've done it, will I be happy? Will I not want something greater, and greater, and always greater?..."  
"Look, Jon, I can hear someone coming, your father seems like, and he probably shouldn't see me in his backyard at this hour when I'm supposed to be in Meidara."  
"Madeira." Ygritte had lied to everybody except very select few and told them she'd be vacationing somewhere sunny and far away; «to get all the annoying fuckers off  her back» she'd said. Jon was happy he wasn't one of the "annoying fuckers".  
"Madeira. But I can tell you one thing: if you think happiness is like a thing you buy if you just find it, and you do just that, look for happiness with your head hidden between your shoulders, yer just gonna hunt ghosts all your life. You gotta enjoy the ride, Johnny, if you wanna be happy."  
"Thank you, Ygritte," Jon said, eyes on the ground. When he looked up again, she was gone and it was his father sitting on the bench.  
Father caressed the back of his head and spoke.  
"You could have invited Ygritte to stay for dinner. It would have been nice; she's a lively girl, and she makes you smile. Sometimes I think you smile too little for a boy. But then again, you won't be a boy forever, and," Jon knew what Ned was going to say, and said it with him,"Winter is coming."  
Father knew, of course. He always did. He knew Ygritte was here, he knew how much Jon needed her to brighten his days with her bright hair and bright smile.  
"I will. Next time I will."  
"Good. She'll never admit it, but I think Catelyn likes her too." Ned gave one of his rare smiles.  
"Father, what is happiness?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I tried to keep Ned as in character as I could, what do you think?  
> I'd truly love some constructive criticism, about anything :)


End file.
